


To See You Suffer

by jordieey



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Ianto Jones, Protective Jack Harkness, Relationship Discussions, Talking, Temporary Character Death, Temporary Character Death - Jack Harkness, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 23:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20805077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordieey/pseuds/jordieey
Summary: Jack doesn't understand why Ianto takes it so hard when he dies. It's not like it's permanent.





	To See You Suffer

“I’ll kill them!” Ianto snarled, storming into Jack’s office. 

He started pacing immediately, running an agitated hand through his hair as he worked to calm himself. Images of Jack flashed across his mind, forcing him to confront memories he would rather not have: Jack’s lifeless blue eyes, Jack’s shirt stained with blood, Jack’s body in pieces, Jack gasping back to life.

Jack, in those rare moments of vulnerability, clinging to Ianto in sheer desperation.

Captain Jack /bloody/ Harkness. 

Ianto heard Jack come up behind him, heard his footsteps come to a halt. Felt the heat radiating from him––the /life/.

“Ianto,” Jack said, his voice low and soothing, “it’s okay.” 

Somehow, the words only fed the fuel of Ianto’s anger. 

He clenched his hands into fists, resisting the urge to turn and look at Jack, because he knew what he’d see: dried blood originating from Jack’s forehead and tracing a path down to his left eye. A blue button-up shirt with eleven bloody holes in it. Ianto knew because he had counted them.

Every. Damn. One. 

All the while he prayed: /Wake up, Jack. Just wake up./

It had taken twelve minutes for all the bullet holes to heal, and for Jack to come gasping back to life. Ianto didn’t need a stopwatch to know that. 

“No, Jack,” Ianto growled with uncharacteristic anger. “It’s not okay.” 

Two strong arms wrapped around Ianto from behind, pulling Ianto against a broad chest. He closed his eyes, reveling in the feeling of Jack’s beating heart. 

/Tap-tap. Tap-tap. Tap-tap./

/He’s alive. Jack’s alive./

Jack’s chin rested on his shoulder, and Ianto couldn’t help but shudder when Jack’s voice sounded right next to his ear: “What’s got you so worked up?”

/Damn you, Jack/ Ianto thought. He had to know what Ianto would take away from that.

Ripping himself out of Jack’s protective embrace, Ianto whipped around, forcing himself to look at Jack for the first time since––

Since––

He tried to avoid looking at the blood. It didn’t work. 

“Oh, I don’t know, /sir/” Ianto said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “Maybe the fact that you were dead”––he checked his watch––” fifty-eight minutes ago.”

Jack’s brow furrowed, obvious confusion in his face as he held out his hands in a placating gesture. “I came back, Ianto. I always come back.” He took a step forward, so close that he was nearly bracketing Ianto against the wall.

He didn’t understand.

Ianto closed his eyes, breathing out slowly as he tried to regain his composure. He liked timers. Something about them was so...calming, fun, or convenient, depending on the context. He set one in his mind now, counting down from ten as he calmed himself down. The black numbers making their way down to zero, changing at the exact right time…

It worked. To a point. 

The sight of Jack’s blood, the evidence of yet another death, was nearly enough to send Ianto over the edge. He resisted the urge to growl, running a hand through his already messy hair. 

“Jack,” he bit out, voice strained, “how would you feel if I’d been the one to die?”

Jack’s face blanched, becoming stricken. He reached for Ianto, as though reassuring himself that he was, in fact, alive. 

“Are you hurt?” he asked, gripping Ianto by the upper arms. He started scanning Ianto up and down, and Ianto had to marvel at how he’d so completely missed the point. 

Ianto stepped back, pulling himself out of Jack’s grip. Now was not the time. He needed to know, needed to /see./

“It’s not me I’m worried about, sir,” Ianto said firmly, waiting for Jack to meet his eyes. Jack’s eyes were a truly beautiful sight, not unlike sapphires, and Ianto found he had to fight with himself not to get lost in them. To forget what he had to say.

“It scares you when I get hurt, yes?” Ianto prompted. Again, there was a flash of alarm in Jack’s eyes, and Ianto couldn’t help feeling grimly satisfied. Jack may never outright tell Ianto he loved him, but actions, as the saying went, spoke louder than words. Much louder.

“That’s how I feel, Jack. Every time you’re hurt or killed.” Stepping forward, Ianto reached up, carefully cradling Jack’s face in his hand. The blood was impossible to ignore. Damn them. “Every time you die, there’s a part of me that thinks ‘This is it. This time, he’s not coming back. I’ve lost him.’” 

Jack’s eyes darkened, but he didn’t say anything.

“Jack,” Ianto said, his voice cracking. He felt tears gather in his eyes, and tried to force them back. “Every time you die, I lose you all over again. And what’s worse, I know it’s painful for you, when you come back. So painful, I can’t even imagine.”

“Like being raked across burning coals,” Jack said once, as he held Ianto in bed. 

“It’s like...being drowned, and then when you take that first breath, you feel like needles are being stabbed into your lungs,” he said another time. 

“I hate it, Jack,” Ianto continued, forcing Jack to meet his eyes. To see everything Ianto felt. To /know/ how much he was cared for. “I hate losing you, and hate knowing you’re in pain.” Here, his voice started to waver. “I’ve already Lisa… I can’t stand losing you, too.”

All of a sudden, two strong arms engulfed Ianto, and he found his head buried in Jack’s shoulder. Jack’s hand cupped the back of his head, holding him even closer.

It took Ianto a moment to realize he was weeping. 

/Tap-tap/ went Jack’s heart. /Tap-tap./

“I’ll always come back for you, Ianto,” Jack murmured right, making Ianto shiver once again. For reasons that had nothing to do with lust. “I promise, I’ll always come back.”

And in that moment, Ianto believed him.


End file.
